I was staring at my phone with tears streaming down my face and my husband was like “what’s wrong??” I had unfortunately stumbled across a post from someone who was a facebook friend, but did not really know, but his wife was pregnant and due to give birth in a week. They went for their last ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I should have stopped right there! I should have put the phone away! But I had to click it and see what happened. I read the whole story and of course it scared the crap out of me.
Pregnancy is both wonderful and exciting but godawful terrifying at the same time! Maybe if I just walked around with a fetal monitor on 24-7 I’d feel better. I thought the first trimester was going to be the scariest time. And it was nerve wracking of course. But by the 3rd trimester you’ve invested so much time and love that the thought of anything happening makes my heart nearly explode. I’ve gnawed my nails to nubs with anxiety if I haven’t felt a wiggle in an hour. I look at his room all ready, my bags packed, the crib set up in our room and just get completely freaked out. They need to make a special kind of Xanax for nervous pregnant ladies.
Today at just over 36 weeks starts my weekly ultrasound visits, which will hopefully cut down on some of my worry. I have to remind myself that the stories that I’ve read, the things that happened to people…it usually wasn’t on a closely monitored pregnancy because they thought everything was going fine. (if you have another theory, please don’t mention it because I’m hanging on a thread here) But with my “advanced maternal age” and low Papp-A results, they are going to be on it with the monitoring checking every little thing and I don’t mind one bit.
I cannot wait to get this little boy out so I can cuddle him and start on a whole new set of worries!