22 Weeks, where is this anxiety coming from?

Tomorrow is officially 22 weeks! yay! But for some reason my anxiety is on overload. For the last several years I had been taking Xanax for anxiety and had to wean myself off it when we started the IVF. Ironic of course, because who couldn’t do with a massive dose of Xanax to get through that, right?

I got a little panicky when we started painting the baby room and then when we set the crib up. Like oh crap we are tempting fate by making solid plans! I keep going in there to peek at it and remind myself it’s real. Then I went to a “metaphysical” party where they had tarot cards, rune casters, palm readers and the sort. My friend talked to all of them but I didn’t want to get near them because what if they told me they saw something bad? I didn’t want to put anything in my head to obsess over. And I thought I was past my toilet paper obsession but the last couple days I’ve been weird and crampy (probably just gas) and I keep freaking myself out by checking the toilet paper and praying nothing’s there. I think anyone who’s ever had a miscarriage understands about being hypersensitive about any kind of cramps.

I am SO looking forward to my doc appointment on Monday because we will get to have another ultrasound. Seeing the little guy on screen puts my mind at ease like nothing else. We also have our hospital tour that evening, which I am both super excited and anxious about as well.

I just got to keep rubbing my belly and saying everything will be alright!

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12 thoughts on “22 Weeks, where is this anxiety coming from?

  1. Cramps are normal, long as they don’t come and go like contractions and there’s no bleeding. I got really anxious around this time but I knew why: at 24 weeks you hit viability. Also any loss after that point becomes stillbirth or premature birth; it’s no longer considered a miscarriage. 😦 It’s a lot to deal with.

    Hang tough, hun. The anxiety never stops. You just gotta muscle through. ❀

    • I did have to remind myself that- that it was good that the cramps were slow and steady and not off and on like contractions. Any kind of cramp freaks me out. I can’t imagine what I’ll be like when the big day comes with the real contraction cramps!

      • Well nobody told me that round ligament pain comes back around the beginning of your third trimester. I had such intense pain in my right side last night, it hurt to inhale deeply. I was freaking the fuck out. Terrified of placental abruption, or preterm labor, who the hell knows. I’m 27w today. 😦 I’ve gone weeks without anxiety really and it hit me full-force again this month (doesn’t help that December is when my first baby would’ve been due and when I found out my second baby was gone…it’s like I’m tempting fate right now). I couldn’t have predicted the fear. The only reassurance I had was that my son picked that point in the ENTIRE day to go absolutely batshit crazy with movement so I held onto that until the pain subsided. *sigh* This whole ride is crazy, hun. Just know I feel your pain. It’s so hard. But we will both get through it. ❀

  2. Everything will be all right! It’s really, really hard. I remember with my pregnancy with my daughter I actually got more anxious the farther along I got. It’s scary stuff. But you and babe will be fine!

    • I was hoping to relax more, but that’s how it is- I seem to be getting more anxious the farther along I get! A cross between OMG this is really gonna happen, and OMG what if something happens? I know I’ll feel better after the ultrasound. I’d get them every week if I could!! At least I have the Doppler for a tiny bit of mental soothing.

  3. If it helps, I started in with the cramping around 19 weeks and 6 weeks later they are still here. I have noticed that they come and go, usually starting up the day before I notice my bump has gotten bigger.

    Hugs to you! Only 18ish more weeks for you!

  4. Ok, I could have written this today (I’m 21wks). I have no idea where the anxiety has comes from, it just showed up this morning…but I’m similar in the baby prepping dept. Every time I go to look at baby clothes or think I’ll buy some online, I always chicken out. I’m all of a sudden scared somethings going to happen and don’t want to jinx myself. And I’ve had pains and cramps off and on the entire time and the doctors have always said it’s ligament pain. I know some of it’s bowel issues. And I’m still a habitual checker when it comes to the bathroom too…maybe the anxiety, like the other stages of pregnancy, shall pass too πŸ™‚

  5. As you know, I’m right there with you on the anxiety front. I’d love a chill pill or two right now. I get weird pains every so often, round ligament. I’d ask your doc when you go on Monday just to be sure! Hope you have a relaxing weekend πŸ™‚

  6. I have been cramping so much for 5 days straight and it has me pretty scared. I don’t remember cramping much after 20 weeks with my first son, but then again every pregnancy is different. I just know that I got more and more nervous the farther I got into my pregnancy with him and it seems like I am this time too. Both times I thought I would feel a little better after we reached viability but it turns out, not really. I’m just worried about a whole bunch of stuff now…. Could definitely use some Zanax!!

    And I am for sure checking the toilet paper every.single.time I use the bathroom.

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