Tomorrow is officially 22 weeks! yay! But for some reason my anxiety is on overload. For the last several years I had been taking Xanax for anxiety and had to wean myself off it when we started the IVF. Ironic of course, because who couldn’t do with a massive dose of Xanax to get through that, right?
I got a little panicky when we started painting the baby room and then when we set the crib up. Like oh crap we are tempting fate by making solid plans! I keep going in there to peek at it and remind myself it’s real. Then I went to a “metaphysical” party where they had tarot cards, rune casters, palm readers and the sort. My friend talked to all of them but I didn’t want to get near them because what if they told me they saw something bad? I didn’t want to put anything in my head to obsess over. And I thought I was past my toilet paper obsession but the last couple days I’ve been weird and crampy (probably just gas) and I keep freaking myself out by checking the toilet paper and praying nothing’s there. I think anyone who’s ever had a miscarriage understands about being hypersensitive about any kind of cramps.
I am SO looking forward to my doc appointment on Monday because we will get to have another ultrasound. Seeing the little guy on screen puts my mind at ease like nothing else. We also have our hospital tour that evening, which I am both super excited and anxious about as well.
I just got to keep rubbing my belly and saying everything will be alright!