The Infertile and the Baby Shower Guilt

Seven years. It’s a LONG time to shun baby showers and announcements. And to mostly avoid friends with babies all together. After the MC seven years ago and the years of infertility issues that followed, any desire to be around babies and pregnant people just shriveled up and was shoved deep down in a place of grumbly indifference with a touch of jealousy. I was reduced the compulsory “congrats!” on Facebook immediately followed by a blocking of all subsequent posts.

I did at least send gifts (by mail of course) to a few good friends but I avoided all showers. These same friends have gone on to have 2 or 3 children who’s names I don’t even know and who’s announcements barely made it through the door before they went in the trash.

And now I’m pregnant. And I want to announce it, and have people celebrate with me and bring me presents and send out cute little baby pictures. And I feel like a TERRIBLE person :-/

How do you handle this? What’s the etiquette? I don’t want to leave anyone out, yet I feel bad sending invites to people I basically ignored. Should I look at it as a chance to make amends?

What do you guys think? How have you or how will you handle it?


6 thoughts on “The Infertile and the Baby Shower Guilt

  1. I def think it’s a great chance to make amends. Maybe even just sit down with them and explain how you feel/felt. You will feel so much better…like a weight is lifted.

  2. Any true friends will totally understand how hard it’s been for you. When talking to my friends after my announcement they said it was as hard for them to invite me as it was for me to avoid it 😦 but they are all over the moon at my news, even more so because of my difficulties. Go for it! !! X

    • That’s very true- I heard through the grapevine that I wasn’t even invited to a few showers because they felt bad. Of course not getting invited would make me kind of pissy in an “I don’t want your pity” kind of way. Couldn’t win I guess…

  3. Well this is a bit of an eye opener. I have been avoiding all my pregnant friends, all the new babies, all the baby parties, as it was just a painful reminder of my own empty belly. I never considered the consequences of doing so. Thanks for sharing and, in a way, giving me a good kick in the behind. Perhaps I should accept the next invitation…

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