Great first OB appointment, followed by frustrating doppler experience

My rented doppler showed up the morning of my first OB appointment. I rented one from at $50/mo. with no contract since I figured I’d try it and if I liked it just buy one off eBay. I decided to wait to try it until after my doc appointment, that way if I couldn’t find the heartbeat I’d still know everything was ok.

First appointment went great. Had the full physical exam, pap, culture, etc. No fun of course but I’m used to having my lady parts poked and prodded at this point so it was nothing. I really like the new doc and new place. When it was time for the ultrasound they went and got my husband. The room was pretty small and he was trying to let me retain some form of modesty by standing off to the side and the doc is like, no, come on over to this side! So he got the full frontal view of the wand in the crotch and I heard him mumble “Well this is awkward” while trying to keep his eyes on the screen.

I was so relieved to see our little wiggly baby after 2 weeks. It finally looks like a baby! And those arms and legs were just waving and wiggling all over. All looks good, heart rate was good, measuring right on track.

later that evening I pulled out our fancy new doppler, read the instructions and then proceeded to have a frustrating experience with my husband moving it around not knowing really what he’s doing because of course he didn’t read the directions. So I took it and gave it a try and didn’t have much luck either. We would both have freaked out if we hadn’t just seen a healthy baby a few hours before. I got out the cd that came with it and listened to the sample sounds and it wasn’t really much help.  Maybe a tiny bit. So this morning I got it out again, figured I’d go nice and slow by myself and relax and I’d find it. No luck again. I got the kind with the screen that counts and shows the heart rate on it’s own. It would show 170 then 60 then 0 then 120. It was just all over the place. And that was just sitting in one spot. Every time I thought I heard a heartbeat sound, it wouldn’t show anything on the screen. At 11 weeks 5 days, I should be able to hear something. Also I’m pretty thin which the instruction booklet says helps make it easier to hear.

So I gave up again in frustration. So far the thing has been more annoying than helpful. I am going to be sending it back. A friend of mine let me know she had one that she’d send me (she told me after I had already rented) so I’ll take that one and try again. She said her’s worked really well. It’s worth it to try for free, but not at $50/mo.

I’ve heard great things about dopplers and many people loved their’s so I hope I can get it to work!


The nagging need for reassurance

I have been literally counting the days until my OB appointment on Monday.  Every day, all day, I just think- only _ _ more days until I can see the doc and get reassured everything is ok. I am so excited to be almost out of the first trimester!

A friend on facebook is sending me her old doppler. She said it worked even better than the one in her doc office. I’m thrilled to get that and hope it will ease some of the constant nagging fear.

Everyone keeps telling me to relax and enjoy my pregnancy, but between the daily vomiting and nerve wracking time between appointments, I haven’t had a chance to just sit back and enjoy it. Hoping my time is coming soon! The sicky feeling is getting less, but then if a day goes by that I don’t throw up I get worried! WTH? I can’t wait for that doppler to get here so I can have some other proof things are progressing other than my head in the toilet.

Other than that I am sporting a pretty good bump. I was trying to plan my Halloween costume according to how big I will be and after looking at a million bump pics, I realize there is no general size. People are all over the place! I was checking the 16 week pics and one lady looked barely bloated (she was pretty muscular) and some people looked 6 months pregnant. So who knows what this belly will look like by then. I’ve been taking a pic every 2 weeks so my new pic will be tonight!


A POAS addict comes clean

I was cleaning up my desk and ran across my pee stick collection from the IVF.  I saved 3 DPT all the way to 20. Sometimes I did 2 a day. I figured it was time to get rid of it but thought it would be funny to show my husband. I hadn’t showed him before for fear he’d think I was crazy, weird or just gross.

15dp3dtSo I walk into the kitchen and am like “Hey look what I found. See, it shows how the line got darker. I figure I can toss this now right?”

And he actually thinks it’s cool and tells me to keep it!

I’m like, you know I dipped all these in pee right?

So he’s like, ok that’s a little gross, but you should still keep it, at least a little longer.

So I did. Now I have to find a nice safe spot for my unique stick collection 🙂

10.5 Week Update

I somehow missed doing my 9 week update, but I guess that’s because there wasn’t really much going on! So here we are at almost 11 weeks:

How far along:  10 weeks 6 days

Total weight gain: I think I went down a pound :-/ I’m still throwing up my dinner and I can’t eat very much at a time or it comes back up.

Maternity clothes: Yes! I got my first pair of maternity jeans at GAP maternity and I am so thrilled I think I’m going to wear these things forever. So comfy without that button fly. And they were on sale for $20! I couldn’t believe it. I got 2 pair- one with the small band and one with the big belly band for later. These are the same exact jeans I normally wear, in the same size, and I normally pay $60-$80 for them! GAP jeans are the only ones that fit me just right. I’ve been wearing them for years. I am so glad to get them because the jeans I saw at Target were just ugly and I was getting worried.

Stretch marks: Still clear, still lotioning up.

Sleep: Sleep sucks. The best sleep I get is a nap around 2-3 if I can sneak home from work. But nighttime is just crap.

Best moment of this week:  Going public on Facebook! Finally telling everyone was exciting, scary and wonderful.

Miss anything: a buzz. My mom was driving me crazy at brunch and all I could think was, man, I’d love to slam a few mimosas right now.

Movement: On our last ultrasound, I saw wiggly arms and legs as soon as they put the wand in, and then he/she refused to move after that. I think we have a shy one!

Food cravings: I’m not sure. Nothing like “I MUST have this” but I do want certain things here and there.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Brushing my teeth is killing me! I keep thinking I can get through it, maybe if I just brush the back real quick and breath slowly. But no, it leads to gagging. And last night I got one whiff of Sharpie marker and had to run to the bathroom and hurl.

Have you started to show yet: I have a bump! Friends keep reaching out to touch my belly like to check if it’s real. Thank goodness it’s not big enough for strangers to notice yet.

Gender: I was really hoping to get the genetic testing done at 10 weeks to find out early, but my new OB/GYN place doesn’t do it. However, I wouldn’t give up on it and they said next week when I have my first visit with the doc I can most likely get a referral to have it done somewhere.

Labor signs: no thank goodness

Belly button in or out:  belly out, button in

Wedding rings on or off: the more I show, the more I wear those rings!

Happy or moody most of the time: Pretty happy most of the time with a dash of intense anxiety and fear about something going wrong that I have to talk myself out of.

Looking forward to: My ob/gyn appointment on Monday. Hoping for a other ultrasound so I can get another week of reassurance everything is ok.


The agonizing, horrendous, true story of my birth

My mom came to visit over the weekend. This gave me a great chance to grill her on the details about her pregnancy and my birth. I had gotten enough of the story growing up to keep me a virgin until after high school and have little interest in having kids. Her story scared the crap out of me as a young girl. At least I know there have been great improvements since the mid ’70s and things have changed for the better. So here’s the story of how I came into the world:

I started at the beginning with my questions- how did you know you were pregnant?

My mom starts off with this: “I didn’t. I was young, I had never had sex before and I thought I was dying of pnuemonia.”

Whoah! Let’s back it up there mom. This is not the story of the Virgin Mary. I know darn well how babies are made.

So she back peddles a bit, mumbles something about not having very much sex and then says she was sick for the first couple months and found out afterwards. Not very enlightening.

Fast forward to the gory details:

She said she went to the hospital three times before she went into labor. Every time she’d get there, she’d start freaking out so much she said I “sucked myself back up in there” and then she’d go home.

On the third time it was the real deal so she was finally admitted. She said they gave her an enema and it was the worst thing she’d ever had done to her. I told her about how nowadays they let you just poop on the table. She said that sounded a hell of a lot better than what she went through.

They told her to stay in bed, but she felt another round of the poops coming on so she get out of bed and went to the toilet. It was there that her water broke. She promptly fainted and fell off the toilet. She woke up to the nurses holding smelling salts under her nose and telling her to get back in bed.

She was in labor for about 16 hours with no medication. The wouldn’t let anyone in the room and she just remembers screaming for her mom the whole time. She said the nurse holding her hand bitched “She breaking my fucking hand.”

Finally near then end she said they put in an IV and pumped in some Valium. One last push is all she remembers and then she blacked out. She said she faintly remembers holding me and thinking I was very warm and she heard the nurses giggling and saying “she’s peeing all over her.”

Then she woke up in a room lined with beds. All she saw were bodies covered with sheets and she thought she had died and was in the morgue!

Afterwards she was in the hospital for a week recovering. She described her nether regions as being pushed “inside out” so bad that they had interns come in in groups to view the damage.

I asked why she didn’t breast feed and she said she was “too young, too embarrassed and it hurt too bad.” She tried but nobody would help her, and she couldn’t get any milk to come out. So they gave her meds to dry up the milk and then wrapped a tight bandage around her breasts. She described the effect as “knives going through your nipples.”

So after all that, she never wanted to have a kid again and she didn’t.

I honestly think if she had had a good birth experience, I would have wanted to have kids earlier. But her terrifying stories and general attitude about how horrible pregnancy and child birth were really scared me to death. I went through a period of not wanting kids at all. And by the time I found out it’s not always a nightmare and got over my intense fears and anxiety, I was getting up there in age.

I just keep telling myself- it’s got to be better than mom’s experience!

One Lovely Liebster Award

I would like to thank these lovely ladies for nominating me for a One Lovely Blog Award: WannaBeMomma and Samantha @ The Boy Who Never Lived and MindyMinix for a Liebster Award. I decided to combine them into one thing since they appear to be similar 🙂


The other criteria for accepting the award are:

  • List the rules. (That’s this right here!)
  • Thank your nominator. (see above)
  • List seven (7) facts about yourself. (see below)
  • Nominate 15 other bloggers and let them know you did. (as there has been a rash of these awards going through the little blog community I follow, I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t been nominated yet! But I will go through and see if I can find someone new)
  • Display the award logo and follow your nominator. (done!)

Seven Facts About Me:

1) Halloween is my favorite time of the year

2) I have a journalism degree from University of Florida

3) Every year I hatch baby lizards. I find their eggs when I’m gardening in places that isn’t safe for them. So I relocate them to a good spot. I always go back and check to see if there’s an empty shell in a few weeks.

4) I had hair down to my butt for a long time and just cut it short last year. And I LOVE it. I got tired of waking up pinned to the bed because my husband had rolled over on my long braid.

5) I own about 50 wigs, half of them look exactly like my old hair. So whenever I miss it, I just stick one of those on. I’m always happy to take it off at the end of the night!

6) I used to be so blind I couldn’t see the big E on the eye chart. I couldn’t see lines on the road without glasses. I got LASIK over 10 years ago and still have better than 20/20 vision. I am still amazed at the improvement and the freedom it gives me to not worry about glasses or contacts. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself, with new boobs being a close second. LOL

7) I don’t usually do chain letter type posts or anything where I have to answer stuff and then share and nominate other people. I ignore all that on Facebook. But you guys got me. I decided to stop being so stuffy about it and join the crowd for once. The award nominations were very sweet, and I appreciate being included 🙂

The big announcement

I did it! I posted on Facebook so now the secret is out. I at least made it to 10 weeks before posting. Of course I was immediately scared to death *something* would happen. I can’t wait for my appointment on Monday with the regular OB just to get reassured all is well again. But I feel pretty good when I’m not throwing up and my bump is getting more bump-like, less “I ate a big meal.” The pic I ended up posting was actually one of the outtakes with the dogs. The posed ones were too set-up, this one is us in our natural state trying to wrangle furry children, lol.

My post said: “I asked for a birthday cake, but this year I got a Bun in the Oven!” 🙂