Have you read the book Belly Laughs?

51K7s85bL6LFirst, this is not a book review, more like a rambling book complaint. I read Jenny McCarthy’s book Belly Laughs last week and have a few things I’d like to say about it.

To start with, the book is no the greatest for anyone who has suffered with infertility. You feel absolutely zero compassion for Jenny as she gets pregnant almost immediately after trying and then talks about how her eggs must not be rotten after all. Good for you Jenny!

I was hoping it would follow the pregnancy in order as things happened, but it just jumped around with each chapter seeming to concentrate on a particular symptom she was experiencing and would then describe in graphic detail. Everything from swollen vaginas to constipation gets its own chapter.

I’m wondering what kind of warped sizing Jenny goes by when she complains she has to buy big ugly bras because nothing pretty is available in a 36D. WTF? I happen to be wearing a lovely lacey number by Victoria’s Secret in that exact size as I type this. There are plenty of bra options in a 36D and I can’t imagine how that was her top size when I recall seeing her boobs in Playboy and they were not tiny things to start with.

And then she seems to think her only choice in underwear is a thong or granny panties. Has Jenny never seen a pair of bikini underwear? Maybe even a cute string bikini? I hate thongs myself but have never worn giant briefs just because I didn’t want a string up my butt.

So in the end did this book teach me anything about pregnancy? Yes. I was not aware that you might poop on the delivery table. So I can thank Jenny for that fabulous visual. I think the bit where her mom tells her she “pitched a loaf” while having her was the only time I laughed while reading the book.

I highly recommend this book for sexually active high school girls because Jenny’s frankness about what happens to your body during pregnancy should scare the crap right out of them, delivery or not.


7 Week Update

I didn’t do this at 6 weeks because I wasn’t sure how far I’d make it, but might as well jump in and document things anyway. I know I’ll wanna go back and read it at some point and track my progress!

How far along:  7 weeks

Total weight gain: up and down with the same 5 lbs depending on what time of day I step on the scale

Maternity clothes: No, but bloating did make me switch to larger bottoms. I’ve been referring to it as “my new protective fat layer.”

Stretch marks: Starting with a clean slate and hoping to keep it that way.

Sleep: Falling asleep has never been so easy. But the crazy dreams are tweaking me out a bit. And I get up to pee 2 or 3 times.

Best moment of this week:  Seeing the baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound

Miss anything: Wine, Sanity, Peeing without staring anxiously at toilet paper, Wine, Sushi, Did I mention wine?

Movement: I’m moving around just fine thanks. The baby is doing whatever little blobs do.

Food cravings: Not really, but I did have my husband pick up some strawberry waffles, which I haven’t eaten since high school.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Smells. I’m hypersensitive to every smell.

Have you started to show yet: Not beyond my new protective fat layer.

Gender: I started this female, pretty sure I’ll stay that way

Labor signs: god I hope not

Belly button in or out:  In, where it belongs.

Wedding rings on or off: I actually take my rings off a lot because I’m usually doing something crafty or messy. But I’ve been wearing the rings more now just in case I have to mention I’m pregnant!

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy/Moody/Anxious/Tired

Looking forward to: Tuesday’s ultrasound so I can have peace of mine for at least one day




When does the smooth sailing start?

I had a couple worry-free blissful days after the 1st ultrasound.  Then last night after dinner I felt a weird sharp pain and got a bad feeling. Went to the bathroom and there was spotting 😦 It’s still going on today. The rollercoaster of emotional turmoil continues! My ultrasound appointment for next Tuesday seems like eons away. Oh how very much I’d like to sink into the couch with a bottle of wine, but instead I sit here, drinking my sad little decaffinated coffee and trying to concentrate on work. 6 weeks 5 days, just trying to hang in there!

An Infertile Mind

While grabbing my progesterone under the bathroom sink I saw a big bottle of Naproxen. (it’s like prescription Aleve for bad cramps) It was going to expire in about 5 months. I immediately thought, well I can give that to my friend B since I can’t use it while pregnant. I grabbed it and somewhere on the way out of the bathroom my arm slowly moved it back into the cabinet while my mind whispered “what if…”

Dammit! I wish I was past this. But after a 7 year battle with IF I guess I can’t expect to conquer my fears overnight.

On a positive note, I did finally allow myself to sign up for TheBump.com! I also didn’t grumble and change the topic when B. asked me questions about baby stuff at work today. I even shared my ultrasound pic 🙂

Cloud 9 in a Heartbeat

I was so nervous going in to today’s ultrasound appointment that I could hear my heart thumping in my chest. It was like my head was pulsating. I was worried the nurse would think there was something wrong with my blood pressure. She said nothing as she wrote down my stats and asked me some questions-

The date of my LMP. My date of birth. Was the pregnancy spontaneous?


I told her it was about as UN-spontaneous as you can get!

I relaxed a little as my husband and I laughed over the questions. The minutes dragged on as I sat there pantsless, wearing my fancy lavender napkin, staring at the blank ultrasound screen every few seconds.

The ultrasound tech warned us at 6 weeks 2 days, there may not be much to see and there may not be a heartbeat. They were just checking to see if anything was there and that it implanted in the right spot. As soon as she stuck the wand in, we saw a big blob and then that blob had a little pulsating light on it. Before she said anything I knew I was seeing a heartbeat and I almost started crying right then and there. I managed to reign it in because I didn’t want any my torso heaving with happy sobs while she continued to root around in my insides checking out uterus size and taking measurements. She said everything looked perfect!

Seeing that little beating heart made it all so much more real for me. For both of us. We are on cloud 9, with another hurdle cleared.

I’ll be going back once a week until week 9 or 10 and then they release me into the wild. Or to a regular OB, whatever you want to call it 🙂


If things go well…and other phrases I’m beginning to hate

Women get pregnant every day, but I wonder how many have to use a disclaimer every time they talk about their pregnancy and anything involving the future? Things like:

* If things go well

* If things proceed as planned

* If this works out

* It’s early but…

I went blindly into my first one, picking out names, buying pregnancy books, telling everyone before the pee even dried on the stick. Then it all came crashing down and along with it, my ignorant optimism.

I look forward to being able to speak about my pregnancy without a disclaimer (if all goes well of course…haha)

But in other news, I have this to lift me up today!3plus

It is right on time at 6 weeks 1 day! And that is one thing I can say positively without any preemptive warnings 🙂

6 Weeks!

I made it to 6 weeks, woohoo! I am thrilled to be at this point, but also my nagging anxiety and worry is really coming to a head because this is the critical week where I lost it all the first time. I feel like if I can make it to 7, all will be good. (I say that now, but in reality will probably still be worried for many many weeks)

I have managed to go 2 whole days without peeing on any little sticks! I do have one more digi saved that I’m going to use tomorrow because I still have a poas problem. It’s the kind that has the weeks past O on it, so I’ve been saving it to see the 3+ on there. The 2-3 showed up right on time.

My ultrasound is Monday. After that, if all is good, I’ve given my mom and grandma permission to finally tell their friends and family before they burst from holding in the news. It’s still too early for any public announcements but it’s already leaking out to friends here at home. When you are known for your love of wine and good times, it’s pretty obvious what’s up when you just drink water and then leave early to go to bed at 10pm.