If you’ve read my post titled “Sh*t my mom says about IVF,” you know she is just a goldmine of misinformation and outlandish statements. I was going to add a follow-up on that blog, but this really deserved it’s own entry.
Today I gave my mom a call to update her about the egg retrieval on Saturday. This is how it went:
My Mom: I have to ask you something, and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way.
Me: ok, what’s up
Well, you know that thing you have? The endometriosis? Have you looked it up?
Yeah mom, I was pretty well informed before I let them knock me out and laser it out of me.
Well, did you know it’s transferable?
Are you saying you think I have an STD??
That’s what it is right? You can catch it? Did you know men can carry it and not even know it?
MOM, first, it’s hereditary not communicable. Second MEN DO NOT HAVE A UTERUS or an ENDOMETRIUM. They cannot get endometriosis and a woman can’t give it to me even if I rubbed myself on her uterus if that was possible.
Are you sure? Maybe you should get S.P. tested. (SP being the husband)
Do you think while I’m at it I should get my prostate tested as well?
*This conversation went on for a bit, but I’m almost 60% sure my mom no longer thinks it is an STD.
So I finally got to tell her about the egg retrieval on Saturday and she had this bit of wisdom to bestow:
S.P. has to do his part right? Oh, you should wear a pretty dress and look cute for him to help.
Mom, I’m going to be wearing sweat pants and the only dress I’ll be wearing is a hospital gown. I’m not even wearing make-up. S.P. has the internet on his iPhone and probably gets magazines. He can make do with that.
After explaining I only have 1 follicle and 1 egg to work with, I got this response:
I remember when I was dating Dr. so-and-so, I told him one day you’d have twins and I’d move there to help you!
Did you not just hear the 1 egg thing? I mean, I know about eggs splitting, but come on woman, we are going to be happy to just get one.
And before getting off the phone she imparted these words of wisdom:
How many times are you trying? Don’t do it too many times. I’ve been speaking to these 80 year old women and they all had to have hysterectomies afterwards.
I let her know IVF wasn’t even invented until 1978.