Sh*t My Mom Says about IVF

Just waiting until it’s time for my 9:30AM scan to see how those eggs are reacting today. If you’ve read earlier blog posts, you might have read that I only recently told my mom about going through IVF. I thought I’d give some insight as to why I waited so long.

On first telling:

* Are you sure you want to do this?

Yes, mom, I’m pretty sure someone jamming needles in their belly is damn sure they want to do this.

* It’s not like having dogs you know.

Really? Because I just got an extra kennel just in case…

* I thought you didn’t want kids.

Not wanting them and not being able to have them are two different things. Infertility was not my choice.

* You travel so much. You have a great life. What about your career? Kids will change everything.

Yes they will change everything, and I will adapt.


About 20 minutes into the conversation, the tide turns:

* Wow, this is great, this will give my lifeΒ a purpose and meaning.

Mom, I’ve trying to have a baby, not Jesus Christ.

* I’m going to move there to help. But I’ll need my own place and also money to live. You should look for a house with a mother-in-law cottage. I need my own space.

(after I got done laughing) The house hunting has been put on hold and all our money is going to this and if it does succeed we won’t exactly have enough disposable income to hire you as a nanny and set you up with your own private suite.


Two days later:

* How many shots do you get? Is it just one?

Nope, it’s 2 a night every night this week and then I get 3!

* Wow, that’s crazy. Have you thought about putting your eggs in someone else?

You mean a surrogate? That’s way more expensive, so no, we haven’t.

* Well then it wouldn’t really be your baby anyway.

WTF? I then go on to explain fertilization and how babies are made.

* But you don’t think any of the mom’s DNA would soak in?

No, it does not work that way. Also, we are not doing that.

* Have you thought of names?

I’m really just trying to concentrate on making the baby first. I’m not getting into names.

* I couldn’t sit down for a week after having you. I ripped all the way to my asshole. Also, you gave me hemorrhoids.

arrrrrgh….stuff I do not need to hear.

And that is all the wonderful conversations I’ve had in just a couple days. I’m sure there will be tons more motherly advice and questions dished out over the next few months πŸ™‚


22 thoughts on “Sh*t My Mom Says about IVF

  1. This made me laugh! Have to just look at it and see the humor behind it all! {I think anyways….otherwise we will all go cray cray!}

  2. hahahahahaha that’s hillarious! Mother’s can be so clueless! I love this one: “Mom, I’ve trying to have a baby, not Jesus Christ.” Classic!! LOL

    • Yeah, I don’t think she gets that her angle on the possible baby giving her life new meaning as a grandmother puts a crap ton of pressure on me! I’m like whoah there lady…reign that enthusiasm back in a bit! Supportive..but realistic is what I’m looking for!

  3. My mom only knows we have to go through IVF with no other details around timing, process, etc… Otherwise we would have conversations just like this. Oh moms!

  4. Pingback: My mom tells me about pregnancy | Stop Telling Me to Relax

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