Way back, like six years ago, I discovered FertilityFriend.com. I got into charting, temping, recording every little twinge and sign and participating in the forums. Every cycle I’d get obsessed and spend way too much time posting my sad white sticks for people to squint at and staring at other people’s tests. Seems most of the people on there are crazy and can see a line on anything.
I’d take a few months off, let my membership expire, get clean. Then the obsession would start slowly again. “I’m just going on to put in my ovulation info” would turn into a two hour span of forum stalking.
The weird thing is, I never made any real connections and found most of the people were a little annoying. People with 4 children moaning about it taking more than a cycle to get another one. People who have been trying for two months and are already frustrated. Watching one after another post their BFPs would wear me down.
So I decided to start this blog and I am happy to say it worked! I have been Fertility Friend free for this entire IVF cycle. I did take a little peek last night, saw a million “can you please squint at this” posts and immediately got bored and left.
Thank you to everyone who has commented and connected with me through this blog, because it has been a million times more helpful than a website forum.
I’m sitting here drinking my sad little cup of decaffinated coffee. I’m trying to be good this 2WW and follow all the rules! But oh man could I use some jet fuel this morning.
The transfer yesterday was a breeze- after the initial 3 hour wait. We arrived at 12:20 for a 1:00 transfer. Nurse calls while we’re in the parking lot to tell us to wait an hour. I’m so full of water at this point I just went straight to the bathroom. We killed some time at Starbucks and went back. They stuck me in a room at 2:30PM. I didn’t get the transfer done until almost 4PM! I actually had to run and pee and refill 3 times while waiting. I felt like the most hydrated person in the world!
Maybe that valium really did help because I didn’t feel a thing this time except for that uncomfortable bladder squashing ultrasound. I didn’t even watch the monitor because I didn’t want to know when it was happening. Just glad they took a picture! So here it is, in all its glory: My egg in utero! (and my giant full bladder is that black thing at the top)
We also got an egg picture. The embryologist had some big long explanation about why they don’t grade embryos because there’s no official key and that the photo doesn’t look great because it’s a 3-D photo shown in 2-D and blah blah. So of course I’m all tweaked out that my egg isn’t the pretty 6 cell daisy looking thing I keep seeing, but instead looks like bubbly mush. I spent way too much time googling fragmented embryos. This phrase was never uttered to us, it’s just something I found when looking at other embryo development pics. But I figure if it wasn’t good enough to put back in, they wouldn’t do it right?? I can’t even find 6 cells on the thing, but they said it was so I’ll just hold onto that. I’ll take what I can get at this point.
So here’s to the big 2WW and lots of obsessing. I’m about to go pee on a stick right now so I can start testing out the trigger. My official date to go back in for the pregnancy test is Aug. 11.
My transfer is today at 1PM. I was looking forward to sleeping in, but nooo, I woke up at 6AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. After experiencing a little pain with the catheter and humongous discomfort with the full bladder during the mock transfer, I am tweaking a little bit about the upcoming experience. I had never had any pain or discomfort with several IUI’s but that was at a different office.
So I spent my morning googling “Can I take vicodin with egg transfer.” Seems the popluar opinion is no.
However, I am armed with some Doctor presecribed Valium, which they said makes it a little easier because it relaxes your uterus and I’ll feel less of an urge to give the Doc a golden shower in the middle of the procedure.
I’m also a little anxious because I’m worried about getting there and finding out the cells aren’t dividing or something because I keep reading about people thinking they have several embryos and then some of them don’t make it. I only have the one, so it’s that one or nothin.
So guess today’s motto is “fingers crossed and legs open,” lol.
Fertilized! After a very grumpy and frustrated day with no call, I finally got the call this morning at 8:30 AM. The embryologist asks, “Did I call you? Because you’re not checked of my list.”
What I wanted to say was, “No you %$#% asshole, you didn’t $#&# call me because I’m not checked of your %$#& stupid list.”
What I actually said was, “No.”
But I’m fairly certain it was loaded with contempt.
He went on to say that the egg fertilized naturally and we were on our way! So ICSI wasn’t required. I like the idea that the sperm chose my egg. I guess that’s as close as we are going to get to getting pregnant the traditional way.
Now I have to wait for the nurse to call to set up my transfer tomorrow! I’ll give them until 2PM and then call them. I have the worse luck with phone calls from this place.
So happy my one little egg made it 🙂
* And thank you to all who responded to my post yesterday. I was feeling SO frustrated and the only action I could take was to blog. Honestly, the only smile I managed yesterday was reading the responses from people who understood my pain. It probably stopped me from throwing something at my husband’s head. His big non-understanding “There’s nothing you can do about babe,” head.
It is Amazing how therapeutic this blogging experience is!
It’s 5PM. I got antsy at 4 and called the office and left a message. Of course they weren’t open. My paperwork says they will call the day after egg retrieval in TWO different places. They also told me at the place, when I had it done. No call. WTF?
My husband says maybe no news is good news. But how can that be? You’d think they’d want to call so I can arrange my 3 day egg transfer Tuesday (they said it would be a 3 day) and not wait until the last minute on Monday.
This is total BS. I want to SCREAM.
I’m a nail biter. I can stop for good lengths of time, but I always fall of the wagon and when I do, I fall hard. I’ve got hands full of bloody nubs right now. Anxiously waiting for the phone to ring. I’ve got it right by me. Waiting to find out if our one little egg fertilized. I keep imagining (and hoping) we have a petri dish baby growing somewhere right now 🙂
The egg retrieval today went pretty swiftly. Seven minutes to be exact! I wonder if that’s some sort of record? Afterwards I felt totally fine. No cramping or anything. They let us know they got the 1 egg and would call tomorrow with the fertilization report. I’ve just been taking it easy today. I laid down for a bit and woke up feeling mildly crampy but that’s already gone. The only thing that still bothers me is the injection site for the trigger shot. It still hurts and has been itching like crazy since yesterday. I found sprinkling on a little Goldbond anti-itch powder helps. Yeah, it’s for feet, but it’s all I had handy.
I called to let me mom know I was ok. She has decided to nickname our possible future baby egghead, which I am not cool with. She also told me to make sure I don’t “jump around a lot” after they put the egg back in. Guess I better go cancel that trampoline class I had planned…