TTC after miscarriage and cautious optimism

When I got pregnant the first (and only) time, it was a complete surprise. I didn’t even tell my husband in some grand way. I just walked into the garage where he was, holding a stick and said, “I think I’m pregnant.” We were both in shock.

I can’t tell you the number of fun and amazing ways of sharing good news that I have concocted in my head since then. Many of them are tied to holidays. All of them have ended in a little heartache because I let myself dream a little.

It makes me sad that it gets harder to get excited and even if I did manage to get those two pink lines, the excitement would have an edge of fear because I know it can so easily be taken away.

After the initial shock wore off that first time, we got really excited and barely waited 24 hours before telling everyone. I mean Everyone. Family, friends, strangers on the street. There was even an e-mail blast. Facebook wasn’t really a thing then, or it would have been on there too. We were blissfully unaware that miscarriage was so common. Of course, after you have one, the stories start coming out and you find out how often it happens.

At almost 7 weeks, after I had bought a pile of baby books and signed up for every baby website on the Internet, the cramping and bleeding started and didn’t stop. Because of our massive overshare, we spent months breaking the news to everyone we ran into, right after they congratulated us on the pregnancy.

I want to be excited. I want to enjoy this. I have to muster up some hope that it will happen even after so many disappointments. One of the reasons I started this blog was because then I would have people to share with that would really understand what I’m going through. I’ve already found many others in the same situation and started following blogs.

So here’s to cautious optimism!

optimism

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